Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Social Networking Gone Awry

So I went ahead and deleted people from my FB and pissed off a few people, but oh well. That wasn't my point or goal, but it's my page, I'm entitled to monitor it however I want, even if it includes getting rid of people who have nothing nice, relevant or important to say. If you are constantly saying things about how my statuses are inappropriate, then don't read them. I made the choice to delete some of these people from my friends list. Especially a few people that I haven't spoken to or seen in a few years. Like honestly I'm not going to take into consideration people's feelings if they don't care about mine. One person text me about it, but seriously I've not spoken to or seen you in more than a year. You are not my friend anymore when you come back to NYC and don't call me to chill, claim you have no time, but then on your FB it says otherwise, don't return my calls or texts or don't make an effort. That's done I'm not wasting my time, so don't make a big deal over nothing, it's a social networking site. Get over it. You want to know what's going on with me, pick up the phone. Like it's crazy how people get so offended. People have deleted me before and I don't care. I usually don't notice most of the time, but when I do, it's like ok, they must have a reason, keep it moving.

Anyway point is I'm being straight up about things. It is exactly that - don't like what I say, delete me. Because if I don't like what you have to say, I sure as hell am deleting you. I will not censor myself for people and make no apologies for anything I do.

- L

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Significance

There is a significance and a meaning behind my tattoos. I'm just putting that out there. Now I do not seek or need people's approval, but certain people look at me like I'm crazy for the things I do and are quick to pass judgment on me. But they don't know me or the reasons I do things. I'm not totally crazy, there is a method to my madness. There are only a few people out there that take the time to figure me out.

So I have 6 tattoos, yes 6. They are not all in extremely visible places and most often than not, people hardly ever know I even have tattoos. I just recently got my 6th one this Friday. Tattoos are my thing. I'm more into them than piercings. It's how I express myself and who I am without being too extreme. None of the ones I have are ridiculously large or over the top. I'm going to break them down here now.

1 - my first tattoo was on my lower back [tramp stamp, I know] and it's of a strawberry on a vine in color. I was 15 when I got it, my mom took me. I like strawberries, and still do to this day. IDK why, but I've always been into them. Got strawberries on everything from my socks and undies to pens, paper and ceramics. It's cute, maybe not my finest tattoo ever, but I like it. Growing a little tired of it now, only because of all the tramp stamp references, and because I want to re-do it and make it pop more, have some more pizazz..

2 - I got this for my 19th birthday, my mom also took me to get this one. It's my zodiac sign on my left shoulder in black and shaded gray. It's simple and represents a part of me, I believe that for the most part, I have the qualities of my sign.

3 - The first one I got on my own for my 21st birthday. Chinese symbols for faith and hope in black. It's a part of my heritage, and because you should always have faith in something, and hope for the best, hope for a better tomorrow. They go hand in hand. Having faith helps you hope for something.

4 - Between my shoulders at the base of my neck, the infinity symbol with the words "today tomorrow forever" in it. Outline is in black, shaded in gray with the words in black. let's not go there with the original meaning, but let's just say for now that I will never forget the past. Without it, I would not be here, I would not be who I am today. So my past is an important part of me and will always be remembered, to help me strive for a better future and not to repeat my mistakes.

5 - On the back of my neck, the Hindu Ohm symbol in all black. Because I like what it stands for spiritually, relates to another part of my heritage and looks amazing.

6 - The word Believe on the inside of my left wrist in all black. I like this one very much. It has the most significance and it's my favorite tattoo and relates to #3. You always have to believe in something. If you don't believe in change, hope for a better tomorrow and have faith that it will come, then you won't go anywhere. You have to believe. There is plenty of power behind that one word.

There may or may not be more to come, but as I get older, I am becoming more conscious and aware of where I put them. I want to keep them in places where time and old age won't disturb them or the meaning.

- L

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Domestication

So I have realized that I can be quite the domestic woman WHEN I want to be. I love to cook and bake, I'm always trying to move around things in my room for aesthetics. I can do all the homey, "wifely" duties [if i so choose to] but then I have my moments where I can be the dude. For example, I'm going shopping for a frying pan. Yes, a friggin frying pan. For those of you that knew/know me, I would never in a million years say something like that before. But then on the flipside I want my dinner cooked and brought to me tonight, while someone else cleans and irons for me while I watch TV. Then again who doesn't go through that or have those "nigga" moments? As women, we are expected to play certain roles and do certain things, sometimes its automatically assumed that we're supposed to know how to cook and iron, etc. Then if you don't know how to do some of that stuff, people look at you like "what? you're a woman, you're supposed to know how to or be able to do such and such" That look doesn't come from just men either, fellow females, you know you are guilty of it as well! When your friend from down the block says she can't boil water to save her life, you know you have that thought in the back of your head "well how she gonna expect to get a man like that?" or "didn't her momma teach her better?" or even "how does she survive like that?"

Now before you get on me, I am not trying to play like I'm a big feminist, because you all know as well as I do, that I am most definitely NOT. But I do go through moments where I think about things and wonder why it is, or how it has come to be. This is one of those things.

I'm basically trying to say that even in this "modern" day society, women are still expected to play the role of the care-giver and motherly figure that takes care of all the household duties [at least in most cultures] while the men are bringing home the bacon. Yet I find it's not that unusual nowadays for a man to know how to take care of his own household duties. [I give kudos to the men that know how to cook, do laundry, sew and all that stuff, because the Lord knows that I don't always feel like doing all that extra ish] Society still has these ideals and responsibilities placed on women, but its time to face it that a woman can also be the money maker, and the man can also be a care-giver. The roles have not been switched, more they have been equally divided.

Anyway that was random. Take it how you want it.

- L

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Getting a Start on Things

So I am actually laying down the building blocks of my great plans to move forward in life and become an adult. I have written out several lists of things to accomplish in 2010. The first and most important being - to find a decent and stable job and save up enough money to move out. I have already made moves towards calculating a budget and seeing how much is necessary per month to afford living on my own. I have realized I would need a roommate and I have the perfect person in mind. No, it is not my boyfriend. That would be cool, but not for another few years.

I have also started looking into the small things I'd need for an apartment like furniture, food, small appliances, pots and pans, etc. Best believe I will be hitting up yard sales and the sidewalks during garbage days! No shame in my game, but I will be bumming it out for the first few months. If I visit the food pantry or raid your kitchen, don't be too mad at me. LOL

With the current job situation, knock on wood, it has been working out. I have gotten extra hours and days at work, and the holiday job I have will make up for the time I was suspended from work. I will use the money made from my holiday job to start up my savings. I will also not be going out anywhere for the rest of the year unless its free. No more buying unnecessary items. I have to keep it strict and watch what I spend and how I spend it. I will and can make this work.

Other than that, my man has met not only the family from the wedding that likes him, but my friends from work, who also approve and like him. They just said he's quiet, which is true, but he will warm up to them. We are very happy together. The communication is there, the understanding and the trust. I feel truly good about the way we got to know each other and start off the relationship. I mean the circumstances may not have been the best, but we actually got to know each other pretty well as friends first before getting into a relationship. Hard to believe, I know, especially coming from me. But anyway the point is, I see it all coming together and falling into place. So it does make me realize that you can't rush things, everything comes in time. I am grateful for that.

Until next time,

- L

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Bragging Rights!

So my birthday was Sunday, I'm now 22 and officially a young woman. I actually have been thinking through things, such as tattoos and piercings and life goals, before making rash decions. Scary, I know. But anyway, October is my month long celebration, made possible by my wonderful BF! First he took me to the Blink 182 concert, then he went with me to MD for the wedding and everyone liked him, we had an awesome time together and spent an amazing (and also our first) weekend together. On my birthday weekend, he took me to the Heinekin concert to see Ludacris, Broadway to see the Lion King, and we had another interesting weekend together at a hotel and fell in love with 7 Eleven. And he got me my Coldstone's Red Velvet cake! The rest of the weekends are mine to spend with my friends and celebrate. LOL :-)

But the point is, he made sure I had a great time and enjoyed myself. I've never had anyone really go all out for me and treat me so special and not try to make it all about them. Yeah I know we're still fresh into the relationship, but damn it feels so good and he's already surpassed my previous relationships. Its still just the beginning, so I shall see and take it day by day. Not gonna go head over heels just yet. Lets see what that first year is looking like.

-L

Karma Kickback

I wrote this 10-06-09 originally on a piece of paper, it's just taken me forever to type and post it.

In the middle of statistics [after I fell asleep] I had an awesome revelation - that karma does kickback! [and it hits hard] I swear I'm so oblivious sometimes. I was with my ex and I had him get rid of a lot of things that his exes had given him, without a thought. Like it was normal. Fast forward 2 years. My last ex made me do the same EXACT thing, down to the pictures and jewelry. Now I know how my other ex felt when I made him get rid of all his stuff. Talk about womp womp WOMPPP.. =o| not exactly the best feeling in the world. Great job karma! Learned my damn lesson though. Will not be doing that again. At least I can say I've learned and taken something from my previous relationships, so this should be the best one yet. [Let's hope so] I really don't want to fuck this one up =o/

Gotta love my random thoughts.

- L

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Memories Found

It's funny how life works. I was trying to upload my concert pics to FB, but it wasn't working, so in desperation I uploaded them to photobucket. I started looking through some of my other pics there and was sad because my last ex had deleted all of my pics of myself and my first ex. I had a random thought to check some CDs that I had made awhile back. Lo and behold my pics from 2006 were there! My ex and all. This really made me smile, thinking about the good times and the bad times we had. I checked my slideshow from my myspace days and saw some more pics from 2007. I am ecstatic!!! I thought these pics were gone forever, but here they are. I feel so relieved, excited and happy. =o)

So, yes, things come to you when you least expect it.

-L

***EDIT*** [originally made 10-06-09 in statistics]

I was going through some of my files and I found my college entrance letter. In the very end, I saw this a part about how I wanted to be a psychology major. I wrote that letter in Nov 2004. It is now Oct 2009, and 5 years later. I should have stuck with my plan in that letter, maybe I would have been better off. Would have saved me all the trouble I went through changing majors back and forth. SMH at myself. But I wouldn't have met the people I met, or did some of the things I did. In the end I don't regret a thing. Just makes me laugh, that's all.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Not Stressing It

Looking for a job is necessary, but I have decided to just let it come to me. I mean sure I'll still be applying here and there, but I'm not going to go so hard. More often than not, things come when you least expect it. Honestly I've never really had to try hard to get a job [knock on wood] So I am just not going to stress it. It'll come in time when I'm ready for it.

"Money comes when you are doing the right thing"

I'm not stressing school like that either, it's my last semester and all, but I'm not going to kill myself over it. It's not that hard. All I have to do is my work, get it done and handed in on time. I'm not really working a lot, so I can make the time to do it. I just get distracted too easily. But I'm not forcing it either. I know how I operate, it'll get done.

Overall that's just my general outlook on life. Thanks to my home girl for passing this quotation on to me:

"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have been thinking about this every time something minor happens. It's not worth the stress, headache and drama. My peace of mind is worth a lot more than giving them a piece of my mind. lol [I like the play on words] I'm just kicking back and enjoying life while I can. You should do the same.

=o) Smile, and pass it on. It can go a long way and help brighten up someone else's day!

-L

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Epiphany

Originally written 9/25/09 12:50am

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, especially over the last few days. A lot has been going on and I find myself slacking in some areas, but using that 'slack' to focus on other things. It finally came to be that besides the fact that I fucked up a lot along the way to my great revelation, I finally know what I want out of life. I have a goal in mind for my career/education. This is a great achievement for me because I was really unsure before about what I wanted to do with myself. Now, I know. I'm excited and happy, BUT still doing my research. I've realized that because it has taken me so long to figure out my career, that actually taking the right steps towards it will be a little bit harder. My undergraduate credits are not going to be geared towards the field I want to get into, so I will have to see how/if I am able to make it possible, without spending more time as an undergrad.

Along with that, I also know that I have to get another job. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I am determined to move out of my mom's place by the summer. I have to work my ass off and save money, but staying here is not an option anymore. We get into way too many arguments over bullshit and its time. I'll be 22 in 3 weeks. I'll be graduating in a few months. I need space to be me and do my thing. Spread my wings and take life on by the horns. I can't do this while I'm still living with my mom and put under her constraints. I love her and all, but we're both ready for me to go on my own merry way.

As far as relationships go..... I'm not even putting that up here. Lets just leave it at the fact that I learned a lot about open, honest communication. It goes a long long way. As does taking a minute out to stop and think before saying things and think about how the other person is going to receive and react to/feel about what's going to be said. I realize and understand that I have a lot of growing up to do. I'm still not fully a mature, responsible adult, no matter how much I may think I am. There's a lot life has to offer and it can be very enjoyable with the right mindset. I'm going to be a better person for me and everyone else that has to deal with me. One step, one day at a time.

That's all for now

-L

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Out There Somewhere

Somewhere out there I know
There's a place I can call home

Somewhere out there
There's a place full of peaceful bliss
Where there is just calm and good
Never-ending days of joy and happiness
A place where all your worries just slip away
As you dance free in the wind
Somewhere where all your secrets are forgotten
Where sunshine kisses your face
And the flowers bloom in glory

Where its never too cold and you don't have to wear a coat
Where the rain falls gently
And splashes your face as you watch in wonder
And splash in the puddles without a care in the world

Somewhere out there there's a place like that for me
And I won't stop looking until I've found it

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Life Lessons

I've come to realize a lot in the past few weeks. A) That I don't have many real friends, B) That having a job is a luxury, C) That I've taken too many things for granted, and D) That I have made a lot of mistakes.

A) My few close friends from high school that I managed to keep in touch with over the past few years have both been home for the summer for awhile and I have yet to see any of them. Granted I know we've all been busy, but it's been months and months since we last saw each other face to face. We don't even keep in contact anymore. It's come to an occasional comment on FB here and there once in a blue moon. Texts and phone calls seem to be asking too much now. Before, it was constant. We'd always be on the phone, texting, chatting it up on AIM. Now I don't even hear from them. I don't know anything about them, nor do they know anything about me. It's sad really, but I know people grow apart and move on with their lives, and I guess our time has come.

This "time off" from work has also shown me who my true friends are amongst my co-workers, if I can even call them friends. How about it has shown me who really, in a small way, cares. Out of all these people that I work with and talk to, I get along fairly well with most of them. Everyone was 'sad' to see me get suspended, yet I have only heard from a handful of people and can literally count on one hand how many people have still spoken to me, even though I wasn't at work, or even hung out with me. Maybe a few on FB have asked me how I'm doing, or said they missed me, but that puts me at less than 2 hands. I don't expect everyone to be my friend, and I know people have their own shit to deal with, but real talk, it showed me most definitely who's real and who's fake. Things will be different when I go back to work, believe that. For those few that did keep in touch, I appreciate it. Made me feel good.

B) I know people are like 'huh? how can having a job be a luxury?' The definition of luxury from Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online - "something adding to pleasure or comfort but not absolutely necessary" Having a job is not absolutely necessary, but it sure does make life more comfortable. It gives you easier access to money, the means to which you make your life more comfortable through other luxuries. There are people out there that don't have jobs or don't work and are still out there living life, just not comfortably. Yeah there are those few that don't have to work and are dependent on others for support. But they are the exception, not the rule. And even then, to an extent, they lose the luxury of their freedom because they depend on someone else's income. They can't necessarily do as they please if someone else has that power over them. Get my point now?

C) Now that I've learned that having a job is a luxury, I realize that I have taken many of my jobs in the past for granted and never given a thought to what it would be like to not have a job. Now that reality has hit, a steady source of income is something I realize I need. Not only do I have bills that come in monthly, but the daily cost of living hits hard too. Sure I live at home with my mom, so I don't have to pay rent, and that's one bill less to pay. But she doesn't feed me all the damn time, I have to buy my own shit, pay for transportation, etc. You get the idea. It costs money to leave the house and hang out. Just because someone hired you, doesn't mean they have to keep you. That mentality has been changed. Simple everyday things like being able to buy lunch and get my nails and eyebrows done used to be like ok I got this, no problem. Now I'm like 'hmmm... gotta make that 20 last 3 weeks' It's been a rude awakening that's for sure. I know you're like 'ok, what about your savings' Proceed to D.

D) I fucked up. Plain and simple. I made some bad choices and I am one of those in the 18-24 category that got all twisted when I got a credit card, or should I say several? There's a lot of other underlying things to be said here, but those are way way WAY too personal to be putting up here. Let's just say I was influenced by a certain person to put my neck out there for them, with false promises, along with my naivety in believing they could do no wrong. Bottom line is - I'm paying for it now. Could have gotten them to cover their asses, but wasn't worth the hassle or drama. I just won't be making that mistake ever again. Can't trust everybody, doesn't matter who they are to you at the time. Don't let people take your kindness for weakness and don't let them walk all over you. At this point it doesn't really matter anymore. If no one is willing to stick their neck out for me, why should I stick mine out? I've just become a bitter person, but I'll be one stingy bitch getting my finances together and forming some real strong and stable relationships. No time or room for the fakeness here.

Anyway, I've learned a lot from my mistakes and fuck ups. I hope that for whoever reads this they can take something from this. It's not just crazy babbling.

- L

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Just a Random Thought

If I were to meet any of my fantasy guys, I don't know what I would do. In all reality, probably nothing. I can imagine I'd be to shy to so much as even say hello. That or I'd be drooling mouth all open, or at best, probably not even notice. (let me stop lying my fantasy guys would have every female in sight in a frenzy) I don't know about you all, but I doubt I'd do more than smile and stare, maybe make an attempt to look cute, fail and then just walk away to try and save face. :-)

This only comes up because I was thinking about this one time I told someone about one of the looks that I like guys to have and it clearly wasn't the look they had, but they tried to pull it off anyway. But they didn't get it right and kinda screwed it up, so I never really brought it up again. I had one other guy that just looked at me like WTF why do you like that look when I told him about it, so since those two incidents I have not even thought about bringing it up again. If it's not that specific person's style, then never mind. That's what eye candy is for. I'm not trying to impose anything on anyone. I still wonder though what he'd look like.... Nah let me stop! No offense to my guy, but I already know he'd never be able to pull it off. We were looking around for outfit ideas for next weekend (I'm planning something special) and we didn't really agree on a lot. His style is different, but it goes with him and who he is. I have very few gripes with anything he wears and I usually tell him.

Anyway, this whole thing was random, as a result of me day dreaming on the train. LOL

- L

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Resurgence of the Past?

Lately it seems like a lot of people from my past have started to and keep on popping up and are trying to get back into my life via previous roles they've had in it. Thankfully it hasn't been any of my serious exes, but rather dudes (yes they've been mostly dudes, how funny right?) that I've messed around with or used to talk to in the past. It's making that saying about how you can never truly leave your past behind you, come true.

Most of them have found me on the internet via FB, AIM, and Yahoo. The thing about it is that I've had the same email and im screenname for as long as I can remember, probably about 10 years now. One dude was texting me from our mutual friend's cell! I was texting the friend to see how he was doing, we hadn't spoken in awhile and this other dude was texting me back. I didn't even know he was back in NY (last I had heard he was in FL with his girl) How funny is that! Other people I've just been running into at random on the street. Just goes to show you, you never know who you'll bump into and you should always look well put together! LOL

So to avoid any further findings, I changed my im name, only use that email for spam (which I have been doing for about a year now. It was a fluke that person caught me when I was on it) and I've changed my name on FB as well as stopped giving out my real # and started giving out my Google #, doesn't matter who you are, that's the # you're getting from now on. Better not lose your phone!

I'm not trying to run away from my past, I'm not ashamed of it, but people are so damn persistent, even after I told them I was involved, and ignoring them doesn't work. The 'mister' and I have not delved into the delicate details of our past with each other and if any of it is going to come to light, it'll be on our terms, not from any of these ignorant assholes trying to make a come back, if they so decide to do anything stupid. I like the way things are now. Regardless of all the bull going on in my life, I'm still happy and no one is going to change that if I can help it.

Anyway, that was a side rant. Going to try and sleep now. Its 1:30 in the morning and I have school.

- L

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It's Coming Together

Piece by piece, its all falling into place and things are looking up. This makes me happy and have some hope for the future that it won't be so crappy after all.

I told him about me wanting him to meet my mom and he was cool with it. I told him I booked the room for the wedding and we're looking forward to it. =o) He's trying to plan something for my birthday and I'm excited to see what it is. I'm trying to plan a small day out for the two of us sometime before then. Nothing major, just something to show I appreciate the things he does for me.

Anywhoo, I set my graduation date for Feb 1, 2010. I will be SO done with school. I have decided to take the time off to work and do some of the other things I wrote about previously. I will be starting my other job in October, so hopefully the extra income will help me pay bills and save money. Still I'm going to cut out some of the going out because it does add up. I look at it this way - it's going to be cold out in a few months so no one will want to do anything. Right? LOL I'll be busy in the Fall anyway. 15 credits at 2 different schools, internship at the hospital, and 2 jobs. It will be tough, but I have to do it for myself. I'm going to need my friends and family to be supportive of me and help keep me motivated! It'll make things all that much easier and remind me of my goals.

BTW I have decided to share my blog with people this time around. Hopefully it's a good thing.

That's all I have for now. See you in a few.

- L

Monday, August 24, 2009

Revelations

So I'm on the train to go meet my boyfriend and thinking about this weekend and wedding stuff and there's a lot running through my mind. First of all it's hard getting used to saying my boyfriend. I haven't said that in awhile. I stopped calling my ex my boyfriend after like 6 months. Second of all I realized that since I'm bringing him to the wedding that he's gonna meet some of the family, but technically he hasn't officially met my mother other than being caught. This bothers me and I'm going to talk to him abt this because I want to tell her. For the very first time I WANT my mom to meet him. That means a lot. I've actually found someone that I'm proud to bring home and call mine. Big revelation I'm growing up finally LOL.

Among other things I registered for graduation and will be graduating (hopefully) in February. Yay me! I have been thinking about grad school and getting my Master's, but realistically I'm going to need a break from school and take time to work and save some money. I want to pay off my bills, get my own apartment and move out of my mom's place. I'm also going to need to get money to pay for more school because we all know grad school is not cheap at all. So I'm going to say a year off is feasible. I know my mom isn't going to like it but I need to do this for myself. I'm still young and a year won't push me back that far. I'm still trying to figure out what I wanna do with myself and all that so why not. Shit I might try something different like culinary school. Who knows.

My stop on the train now. Write more later.

- L

Monday, August 10, 2009

Changes

This seems to be the year and as per the trend amongst my friends we are all making lists and notes of things that we're trying to change about ourselves. So here is my little collection.

To try and stop cursing so much. Adjust the way I speak to reflect the education I do have.

Change my attitude and don't be so judgmental/make fun of people.

Stop putting all my personal ish out there on the internet [via FB or Twitter]

Be a young woman in the way I dress and act. I have to realize the way I present myself to others has to reflect my personality and maturity. First impressions are key because sometimes you don't get another chance.

Be a better a person overall that people can look up to and feel comfortable around or coming to me for help/advice. Sometimes I can be a bit much and people feel intimidated because I'm so snooty or play HBIC and that's not always the case.

I'll go more into detail another time.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Frustration

I was being optimistic about getting a new job and searching for one etc, but it is tiring and I have given up somewhat. I did manage to get one interview, but it's not til next week, and I keep on finding ways to get my boss to cut my suspension. I counted the calendar days for the pay periods and I might be able to go to work a week earlier. I have to talk to them about it and see. Ughh it's frustrating me not working and not having anything to do. I would like to say I'm using this time to work out and go to the gym, clean the house or go out and do things, but I can't. I have cleaned the house somewhat, but the shitty weather we've been having has dampened my moods and made me lazy. And then there's the whole not having any money to do shit.. that fucks me up too. =oX

My mom just left for a week on vacation and its been a day and I miss her already. For as much as we argue and have our issues, she's still my mom. I was mad because she left on a late night flight and didn't call me when she got down there, but she called her boyfriend. I had to call him to find out if she got down there OK. So not cool.

Other than that, my boo has been working and what not and I have used some of the time off to go see him when I can, meeting him after work or what not but I miss him too. I was spoiled from seeing him whenever I wanted earlier before he started work and when I was in summer class. :sigh: But I've said it before, I am most definitely NOT going to repeat any of my other relationship fails or mistakes and I am taking it slow with him. What we have is understood between us and does not need to be put on display for the world to see or explained to everyone.

Anyway this was all random, been so frustrated and bored, but I will be better this week. I'm going to try anyway.

-L

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Process..

So looking for jobs is a slow and tedious process. I have been putting out apps here and there since last week. I got an interview scheduled for next Monday with this tutoring place. It sounds pretty good. Just have to wait and see. I'm not gonna get my hopes up too high, but I am still applying to places in the meantime. I did speak to my boss to see if I could get my suspension reduced, but she said no and stands firm on it. That's cool though, I'll do my thing and just take it in stride and move on from it.

In my spare time, you would think I'd catch up on all my cleaning and organizing right? WRONG! I've been here online doing the same old bull and playing games and sleeping. I've also been cooking. IDK it's just one of those things. I like to cook and bake, so I've just been cooking. Ran out of stuff to cook, so now I'm gonna go to the store tomorrow and buy stuff to make. LOL Eventually I'll get around to the cleaning and putting stuff away.

I've also been dying my hair and trying to make it purple. No success. So I'm going to try blue. Worst case scenario - my hair will turn black from all the dye deposits. If not, I can always make it black and leave it alone. I'm just glad it's growning out pretty quickly from the last haircut. =o)

And while I'm not going to be working, my mom is going to leave for a week to go to Jamaica. That leaves me home alone. I know there's going to be trouble. I'll try to stay out of it. Who knows. I probably won't even be home. Try to be out and keep busy. Go sight seeing or something. I'll figure it out.

Other than that, things are going pretty OK. Started back at the gym. The diet thing is not going so well because it's expensive to be healthy. And I'm just not cut out for it. I've started with the most important thing - cutting out junk food and not eating late at night, I'm more active and that's what counts. I only need to lose like 10 lbs. I can do this! Just need to stay motivated and I'll be good. The plan is to find somewhere to run and find a running buddy and I'll be good. Possibly this Sunday my boo and I will go running together. That'd be sweet. =o)

That's pretty much it for now. Just trying to relax and not stress.

-L

Thursday, July 9, 2009

A Reflection of Sorts..

You know how everyone thought 2009 was going to be their year? Well I was one of those people. I'm 21 and its a new year, things are going to change and be better. That was my mind set and it definitely started off rocky as all hell. BUT I am glad to say it started to turn around and the last few months have been going well for me as far as personal, family, school and work life go. It seems like its all starting to come together. There are still a few bumps in the road here and there, but the journey is never that smooth. Its what makes life interesting and keeps it from being boring, because nothing comes that easy. If it does then all the more power to you!

Anyway, I am determined to make 2010 and 22 my year. I've already started getting my ish together. If all goes well and the school lets me, I will be graduating Feb 2010 [keeping my fingers crossed] and if I get in, will be attending Brooklyn College in the Fall for my Master's. OOOWWWWW.... LOL I do want to move out my momma's house, but I'd have to get a better job. It really is hard to get something good, and I am hoping that once I get my BA that It will be somewhat easier? Before I move out, I want to try and pay off some of the bills, and that seems never ending =o/ Even if I have to get a roomie, I'll do it and move out because I'm so done with my mom. I love her and all, but sometimes you just have to know when its your time.

I officially started getting more serious with the gym. I got a gym buddy and we are going to do this! I may be late in looking good for the summer, but I will look FAB on my birthday and for my cousin's wedding. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for my birthday as it stands now. I still have a few months to see what's going on, but I think my boo may want to do something special for me. [Although that is still in the air and comes with many of its own complications, but that is something personal that will not make it on the blog] At this point its like whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to go crazy trying to plan things out. I'm going to leave it be and just live life and enjoy it. I'm not going to try to change things, I WILL change things. Everything that I want to achieve, I will work on and get done.

Self empowerment at its best. I can and will do this! =o)

BTW I am finding it true that your past never just once stays in the past. For whatever reason, it follows you and comes back. =o/

This is all for now. Update at a later time.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

BOOOYAHHHH

I'm back and as I told Teems [or should i say teemsy] that i'm staking my claim on my damn name.. fuck all them chics that got'mzlori' that's wack..

itzlori is the shit cuz BAM i'm here and I'm letting you know.