Sunday, September 27, 2009

Epiphany

Originally written 9/25/09 12:50am

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, especially over the last few days. A lot has been going on and I find myself slacking in some areas, but using that 'slack' to focus on other things. It finally came to be that besides the fact that I fucked up a lot along the way to my great revelation, I finally know what I want out of life. I have a goal in mind for my career/education. This is a great achievement for me because I was really unsure before about what I wanted to do with myself. Now, I know. I'm excited and happy, BUT still doing my research. I've realized that because it has taken me so long to figure out my career, that actually taking the right steps towards it will be a little bit harder. My undergraduate credits are not going to be geared towards the field I want to get into, so I will have to see how/if I am able to make it possible, without spending more time as an undergrad.

Along with that, I also know that I have to get another job. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I am determined to move out of my mom's place by the summer. I have to work my ass off and save money, but staying here is not an option anymore. We get into way too many arguments over bullshit and its time. I'll be 22 in 3 weeks. I'll be graduating in a few months. I need space to be me and do my thing. Spread my wings and take life on by the horns. I can't do this while I'm still living with my mom and put under her constraints. I love her and all, but we're both ready for me to go on my own merry way.

As far as relationships go..... I'm not even putting that up here. Lets just leave it at the fact that I learned a lot about open, honest communication. It goes a long long way. As does taking a minute out to stop and think before saying things and think about how the other person is going to receive and react to/feel about what's going to be said. I realize and understand that I have a lot of growing up to do. I'm still not fully a mature, responsible adult, no matter how much I may think I am. There's a lot life has to offer and it can be very enjoyable with the right mindset. I'm going to be a better person for me and everyone else that has to deal with me. One step, one day at a time.

That's all for now

-L

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