I've come to realize a lot in the past few weeks. A) That I don't have many real friends, B) That having a job is a luxury, C) That I've taken too many things for granted, and D) That I have made a lot of mistakes.
A) My few close friends from high school that I managed to keep in touch with over the past few years have both been home for the summer for awhile and I have yet to see any of them. Granted I know we've all been busy, but it's been months and months since we last saw each other face to face. We don't even keep in contact anymore. It's come to an occasional comment on FB here and there once in a blue moon. Texts and phone calls seem to be asking too much now. Before, it was constant. We'd always be on the phone, texting, chatting it up on AIM. Now I don't even hear from them. I don't know anything about them, nor do they know anything about me. It's sad really, but I know people grow apart and move on with their lives, and I guess our time has come.
This "time off" from work has also shown me who my true friends are amongst my co-workers, if I can even call them friends. How about it has shown me who really, in a small way, cares. Out of all these people that I work with and talk to, I get along fairly well with most of them. Everyone was 'sad' to see me get suspended, yet I have only heard from a handful of people and can literally count on one hand how many people have still spoken to me, even though I wasn't at work, or even hung out with me. Maybe a few on FB have asked me how I'm doing, or said they missed me, but that puts me at less than 2 hands. I don't expect everyone to be my friend, and I know people have their own shit to deal with, but real talk, it showed me most definitely who's real and who's fake. Things will be different when I go back to work, believe that. For those few that did keep in touch, I appreciate it. Made me feel good.
B) I know people are like 'huh? how can having a job be a luxury?' The definition of luxury from Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online - "something adding to pleasure or comfort but not absolutely necessary" Having a job is not absolutely necessary, but it sure does make life more comfortable. It gives you easier access to money, the means to which you make your life more comfortable through other luxuries. There are people out there that don't have jobs or don't work and are still out there living life, just not comfortably. Yeah there are those few that don't have to work and are dependent on others for support. But they are the exception, not the rule. And even then, to an extent, they lose the luxury of their freedom because they depend on someone else's income. They can't necessarily do as they please if someone else has that power over them. Get my point now?
C) Now that I've learned that having a job is a luxury, I realize that I have taken many of my jobs in the past for granted and never given a thought to what it would be like to not have a job. Now that reality has hit, a steady source of income is something I realize I need. Not only do I have bills that come in monthly, but the daily cost of living hits hard too. Sure I live at home with my mom, so I don't have to pay rent, and that's one bill less to pay. But she doesn't feed me all the damn time, I have to buy my own shit, pay for transportation, etc. You get the idea. It costs money to leave the house and hang out. Just because someone hired you, doesn't mean they have to keep you. That mentality has been changed. Simple everyday things like being able to buy lunch and get my nails and eyebrows done used to be like ok I got this, no problem. Now I'm like 'hmmm... gotta make that 20 last 3 weeks' It's been a rude awakening that's for sure. I know you're like 'ok, what about your savings' Proceed to D.
D) I fucked up. Plain and simple. I made some bad choices and I am one of those in the 18-24 category that got all twisted when I got a credit card, or should I say several? There's a lot of other underlying things to be said here, but those are way way WAY too personal to be putting up here. Let's just say I was influenced by a certain person to put my neck out there for them, with false promises, along with my naivety in believing they could do no wrong. Bottom line is - I'm paying for it now. Could have gotten them to cover their asses, but wasn't worth the hassle or drama. I just won't be making that mistake ever again. Can't trust everybody, doesn't matter who they are to you at the time. Don't let people take your kindness for weakness and don't let them walk all over you. At this point it doesn't really matter anymore. If no one is willing to stick their neck out for me, why should I stick mine out? I've just become a bitter person, but I'll be one stingy bitch getting my finances together and forming some real strong and stable relationships. No time or room for the fakeness here.
Anyway, I've learned a lot from my mistakes and fuck ups. I hope that for whoever reads this they can take something from this. It's not just crazy babbling.