I have always been very stubborn and set on doing things my way and learning for myself and here it is. As I mentioned before, I have quite a bit of growing up to do. I pay bills, go to work, have limited responsibilities, but that does not make me an adult or grown up. Not completely. I am still dependent on others in some aspects. I have not fully made myself independent, nor do I really know how to. (I'm beginning to ramble a bit here, forgive me.) Facts are facts though. I need to be more independent and know what its like to really be on my own. My mom threw me out of her house, and I moved in with him. No questions asked, without a second thought. Now I realize it was not the best thing to do. Funny, but for as psycho as my ex was, he did make a valid point to me one time and I now see how true it is. He told me there was going to be a point in my life where I needed to make that journey of self discovery and need to be on my own. I laughed at him then and thought he was spitting bullshit, but I know now that it is true. I've never lived alone, or had any real alone time. On my days off, I do errands, run around like a chicken with its head cut off. I make plans for every second of spare time I have, but I don't sleep and always complain that I'm tired. And then I wonder why I'm stressed. It's a self hating cycle. And I'm done with it. I do not like the way things are, or the person that I am right now. I feel like I was doing better and now I slipped up and have to go to rehab. I've lost the little sliver of the person I was discovering. Time to switch things up and become a better person, not for anyone else, but for me. Although I think quite a few people would benefit from a more relaxed and calm Lori. LOL
Anyway.... point of this all - I need ME time, to gather myself, take a step back from everything and just do the things that make me happy. Its sad that I don't even know what makes me happy anymore. But there are solutions on the horizon. Coming back to blogging helps, even if no one reads this. Its for me, I can look back at this and just reflect and think about the things that I have been through and see how much (if anything) has changed and keep at it. The blog is like a little reminder of things to work on without making it work. If that makes sense. But I'm 1000% sure that after I get my new schedule for work, the first thing I'm going to do is plan and take a vacation. I need one for sure. I've never appreciated or understood how important stuff like this is, but now that I do, I will be doing it more frequently. And I'm definitely going to make it mandatory. Maybe 2x a year if I can afford it. But then again sometimes a "stay-cation" is all I may need. Shoot, I bought a Groupon for a massage and have yet to cash in on it. I will definitely do that ASAP. Maybe even have spa days once a month for good measure. Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself. Besides if you don't, who will?
All in all, I will be taking some more measures to be more relaxed and stress free. It might just make me slightly more tolerable to be around.
This is kind of longer than I wanted it to be, so I will stop here. Through all this jumble, there was only one thing here. I will think on the other things I thought about to see if they are blog appropriate.