Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Clarification

I wanted to clear up a few things from my blog on Saturday. As I wrote and published it from my phone, I had no time/screen space to really look it over and read it. Looking back on it now, I do want to say a few things to avoid any nasty assumptions on anyone's part.

While he and I do argue about the lack of going out and going places, we do agree that we both want to travel and explore and generally do things together. I didn't mention that in the previous post and I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I am not dragging him anywhere or forcing him to do anything he doesn't already want to do with me. It's just all about time and opportunity. I realized that while life getting in the way is a more than valid excuse sometimes, I have to learn how to deal with all the hiccups and not be set in my ways. Not everything I want I can get. I can (and most often do) sound/act like a spoiled brat. BUT at the same time, we both agreed that "life happens" is not to be used as an excuse all the time. We I just have to pick our my battles on the things that are really important, the things I really want to do, vs all the other stuff that can happen whenever.

For the most part, the previous blog was a bunch of me moaning and groaning over nothing. Because at the end of the day, no matter what I say, I want to do all the things on my list WITH him. We're in it to win it, so we've got all the time in the world to get around to everything. Even sometimes, doing nothing is better than all the extra stuff. As long as we're together :) Corny I know, but whatevs.

Still thinking of a main central theme for my blog, but right now as it stands, its still an all about me blog without getting too personal.

xoxo

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Disappointment and Heartache

I don't even know why I do it to myself. I make these plans, things I wanna do, things I wanna see, etc. I really psych myself out and say "this time I'm gonna do it" but it never happens. I don't want to go do things by myself. Half the time if not all the time, I make these plans for me and him to go. Because lets be honest where's the fun in going by yourself to travel the world or even just find adventures here in the city? Who are you going to share that with? Most of the time he's right there with me. And I get so excited. Then life happens. It's now the 3rd summer we have not gone anywhere or done anything. Doing errands and going shipping or to the movies does not count. In '09 we were unstoppable, going everywhere and finding adventure no matter how broke we were. Then it's like all these different things started coming up - and they were all completely valid reasons - but it starts to make everything feel so mundane. Work, home, some errands, do it over again til the weekend. The weekend comes and it's never long enough to handle the list of things I have in mind. This summer we have to schedule things around his Saturday games and it's killing me.

I bring it up and he tells me I'm making him feel bad. I'm not trying to, but it is what it is. Don't tell me that we can do things around your games if we can't. He did acknowledge his bad on that. But then at the same time it's like nothing can be done about it. I feel cheated out if things often and don't like it. Where do I draw the line and say "hey I'm gonna do things for ME for once bc I'm tired of doing the same shit" or do I just settle? Maybe I'm just over thinking things, who knows. But I'm ambitious and goal oriented. I'm not one of those people who just wakes up in the morning and is like "whatever happens happens." A lot of the time we clash bc he can have that whatever attitude and it pisses me off. But I really feel like I'm reaching that point where enough is enough and I'm gonna just start being more proactive with or without you. I see everyone else doing shit and living life, so dammit I'm gonna live mine. I'm not getting any younger. Why should I wait til I'm older and my kids are grown up to have fun and live my life? That's not the way it should be.

At times like this I really wish I just had that best friend or sister to just get up an go with.

This is all one big ramble and I don't think I actually made sense. But that's just me venting off bc sometimes I really don't think he gets me and it's not worth the arguments all the time.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Stuff..

I joined a gym for the second time in my life. This time its about $200 cheaper than the first go around. And because it's not a female only gym, I can go with my BF and he makes sure I get my ass up and go. I joined Planet Fitness and its actually not that bad. Because I go with the Mr. he makes sure I legit work out and don't go for 20 mins and go home. So far I'm at 2x a week. I will probably have to learn to go on my own. He has soccer and practice, so there are limitations on when we can go. But I must say I DEFF feel it. I just have to alter my diet (again) and stick to this routine. I'm pretty sure you all don't wanna read about this anymore. (For whoever reads this) But hopefully I can achieve progress this time!

Work has been moving along and I am getting busier. So the slow time slump is moving over. I made my 3 months on the 16th and my recruiter informed me I am eligible for health insurance! Whoop. That means more to me than ever! But she also said the term on my assignment is up in 3 more months. That being said, its up to the company to either extend my term, hire me, or dismiss me. This is what I am afraid of! The other girls that started out temp here, have been temp for more than a year, up to 2-3 years before being hired permanently. This is what worries me. I am not trying to stay here for that long and still be temp. I need something more stable and secured than that. I have developed (in my opinion) decent relationships with my co-workers and boss. I do a good job (for the most part) on the assignments and projects. I just want to know whats going to happen when that time comes. I also am upset because the 6 month term will end right before my birthday - which I was going to request to have off because I wanted to go away and have a longer weekend. With all of this, plus other projects with due dates in Oct, I won't be anywhere near being Okayed for the days off. So I'm stuck. I really do NOT want to be here on my birthday around these people. It sounds messed up, but it's true. I'm still trying to come up with a plan for a way around it, but it looks like a no go. The positive thing through all of this is - I will still have a job until the end of term, and they have given me more responsibilities and are including me in more projects. They have also included me in some plans that have long term dates. So I will remain optimistic about the future.

In other news - there is no other news. Haha.. 

Later y'all

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Ehh..

I gave up on my food journal. Like I didn't see that coming. Too tedious. And I still ate whatever whenever. So it made no sense. I know what I'm supposed to be eating and not eating, why write it down? Still trying to find that healthy food mid ground. I've been trying not to be a total pig and give in to all my cravings. So far I'm doing ok I had 2 French macarons on Thurs tho :-/ but they're so good! Not to mention I totally pigged out this weekend so far. But come on, how could I not indulge on the company's dime? Too bad I didn't stay for dessert. I mean seafood isn't all that bad right? So I'm not that terrible. Those Huevos Rancheros today though, that was totally evil, and I loved it. I'll start over tomorrow - promise. With this heat though, its not that hard to stay away from food. All I wanna do is drink water.

Speaking of heat, summer is officially here and I'm stuck inside 5 days a week. Guess I will be staying pale all year round. No need for my summer shade of foundation :-/ I have to figure out what to do on weekends to beat the heat and mange a slight tan. I'm thinking of going to the park with a blanket and just get my tan on that way. There's no way I'm making it to a beach this summer. And I'm definitely not doing a tanning salon or self tanner. Not my style. I'm gonna try to upgrade my color before I look like Bella. But at least I don't glitter in the sun.

On the make up tip - I've been trying I get it together. I need to learn some more work appropriate looks though. As well as how to do my eyebrows. But I'm working on it. My skin has been acting up something terrible lately so I'm hoping that once I go back to my skin care regimen I will be ok enough to start back up with makeup. I don't like putting shit on top of fucked up skin because it will make it worse. Hopefully Monday I can start again.

Would love to write more but it's terrible writing this shit on my phone.

Deuces