Friday, June 24, 2016

Where has it gone?

This month my Facebook memories showed me a ton of posts where I talked about how fly I was, or how great I felt. And it's making me wonder where all of that self-love and confidence has gone. I'm not a body shamer, nor do I hate myself. But I have lost the oomph that made me strut my stuff. Maybe the loss of confidence is exuded in my personality and why I am not gaining as much traction as I would like as a newly single woman. Who knows. Maybe it is in my head. But these posts really got me wondering. Where did it go? Why did it leave? Why did I let it? What changed for/with me? Did I get complacent, or too comfortable and thus stopped caring about how I looked and then that in turn made me feel less than stellar and more self-conscious? Enough that I started to second guess myself? I know I can do better, I've always felt that way. But lately, I am more disappointed with what I see in the mirror. I've got to change that. I mean look at this:

This is just one example that showed up. I re-shared this one, but there are quite a few I didn't. I'm wondering how people weren't so sick of my posts, or if they were, why they never blocked me. Haha. Even this morning I thought about something from roughly 2005/2006 era.

I guess I've got to get my groove back!

Have a good weekend everyone ;-)

- L

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Isn't Life Funny?

Facebook really needs to re-do its algorithms, re-evaluate their lives, something. I have never in all the years I've been friends with my husband him, gotten emails about his status updates. But within the past month or so, they email me about his updates. Not even the same time either, at least a few days after. And they just suggested that I make an event for his birthday. LOL I can't figure out how to stop the updates. Maybe I'll just unfriend him. That might be easier. It's almost like that time it suggested my ex's wife to be my friend. Like really?

Facebook isn't always so terrible, as it did show some interesting articles on my newsfeed from Thought Catalog that I generally don't put much stock into. Don't get me wrong, they are good reads (most of the time) but I hardly ever find them applicable to my life. The ones I looked at yesterday, I feel like they apply to my situation and what I'm going through, just a little bit.

I clicked on this article first, and laughed at a few things, then saw this one on the bottom and felt a connection with it/the author. This part especially:

"You deserve someone who never leaves even if they found a better job or made more money or bought a fancier car. Someone who never leaves when they’re at their best, when they can get anyone they want but still choose you, when they don’t even care about exploring all these other ‘options’ to realize your worth because they know what they have and they know that you are one of a kind."

That part right there. Someone who doesn't care about the (un)known options out there. Or rather isn't as interested in them because they love you, they want you, they CHOOSE you. (That last one was a bit Pokemon-ish haha) I shared this on my page, and one of my friends pointed out that we are human and make mistakes and sometimes we take things/people for granted and walking away and coming back makes us appreciate it/you more. I get that, but then there are some people who just know your worth and appreciate you without having to walk away. That's what I'm looking for. It may be a fairytale and never happen, but at least I can hope right? I know there's give and take and sometimes we have to compromise about things. But I'm just not ready to settle yet. I want to keep the hope alive a little bit longer.

- L

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

One Step at a Time..

I did have an angry rant post that I wanted to publish, but I am glad (now) that I didn't. It's been about a week since he moved out now. And oddly enough, I'm ok. The first 2 days, it was awkward and I was spooked about living alone. *Cue in all the Criminal Minds episodes I've watched over the years. * But I've gotten through it and am making progress in getting my apartment together. My miffle (male bestie) took me to Ikea and I stocked up on a few things to freshen up the place. Ladies Night last Friday was a success, even though I was freaking out over my lack of planning for it. You figure I plan events and such for my job, I'd be able to plan my own smaller scale events right? I'll be prepared next time at least!

I'm taking it all in one day at a time, one step at a time. There are times I do still think about everything and get pissed off. But then I let it go. I have to. There isn't enough time to hold onto the grudges. Yeah I still think of him as an asshole sometimes, but then who doesn't think their ex is a shit from time to time? He may not be the worst ex in the world as people like to point out, but he still did some shit things to me. And that's my prerogative. I flipped out a little on twitter the other day about what someone said to me (re: him not being that bad) and maybe said a few things I shouldn't have, but I'm dealing with it better. People will always have opinions because it's easier to comment as an outsider looking in. But since it's my life and my decisions, it's just easier to ignore what they have to say. 

For now, I am not in a rush to get into anything new. I'm taking it easy. I'm ready to focus on myself. Get my shit together. When the time is right (in theory) the right person will come along.

- L