One Step at a Time..

I did have an angry rant post that I wanted to publish, but I am glad (now) that I didn't. It's been about a week since he moved out now. And oddly enough, I'm ok. The first 2 days, it was awkward and I was spooked about living alone. *Cue in all the Criminal Minds episodes I've watched over the years. * But I've gotten through it and am making progress in getting my apartment together. My miffle (male bestie) took me to Ikea and I stocked up on a few things to freshen up the place. Ladies Night last Friday was a success, even though I was freaking out over my lack of planning for it. You figure I plan events and such for my job, I'd be able to plan my own smaller scale events right? I'll be prepared next time at least!

I'm taking it all in one day at a time, one step at a time. There are times I do still think about everything and get pissed off. But then I let it go. I have to. There isn't enough time to hold onto the grudges. Yeah I still think of him as an asshole sometimes, but then who doesn't think their ex is a shit from time to time? He may not be the worst ex in the world as people like to point out, but he still did some shit things to me. And that's my prerogative. I flipped out a little on twitter the other day about what someone said to me (re: him not being that bad) and maybe said a few things I shouldn't have, but I'm dealing with it better. People will always have opinions because it's easier to comment as an outsider looking in. But since it's my life and my decisions, it's just easier to ignore what they have to say. 

For now, I am not in a rush to get into anything new. I'm taking it easy. I'm ready to focus on myself. Get my shit together. When the time is right (in theory) the right person will come along.

- L

Let's Get Personal: The Backstory

Here's the warning up front. This will be personal, more than I usually get on the blog and a bit long. Fellas you may want to click out of here while you have the chance. It also may be TMI for some of you who maybe don't want to know me that well. I tried to do this all in one post with the backstory and routine, but I had too much to say for one post. (If you want to skip straight to the routine, click here.) What can I say? I like to talk/write about myself! I mean look at the title of my blog. LOL In all seriousness I actually don't like speaking about myself, but ehh it is what it is. Ok, warning noted? Good.

So ladies (and whoever is still with me) let's get personal! A few people on social media have asked me about my routine, what I'm using/doing to help clear up my face. The light bulb went off and here's this post. I've had pretty good skin once I got over the acne puberty threw at me. Then out of nowhere last year and this year, my skin threw me for a loop. Now that I have a decent handle on it, I can say that my face looks amazing and this is about as good as it gets. I'm not looking for flawless perfection because that's greedy. And let's face it (no pun intended!) being perfect is boring.

Before I get into that I have to divulge some info so you can better understand the root of my troubles. When puberty and my first menstrual cycle hit me unawares, I was shocked and scared as all get out. My mom never had that talk with me, and I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was dying. It didn't help matters any that I didn't have any female role models to look up to or ask about this. So what did little ol' 11/12 year old me do? Why I went to my mom's then boyfriend and asked him what the F was going on. I can't remember exactly what he said to me, but all I know is that he told my mom for me and we went to buy my first pack of pads. Of course my mom was furious I didn't ask her, but we never really had the best relationship until recently. I didn't even think to ask her. My hormones went out of whack, and I was so lost. Boobs grew out of nowhere overnight, my body changed into something abnormal. None of the other girls in class looked like this! I was teased relentlessly about it and felt even more alienated.

My cycle was abnormal. I couldn't predict when it would come or for how long. I had to be sent home one time because it came when I was unprepared and my uniform was horribly stained. Oh the nightmares. My face started to hate me around that time as well. The gross acne I had to deal with was horrible. I was given some prescription treatments that tamed it down some, but not completely. My mom said it was normal that once my body adjusted, I would get used to it. Wrong! I went to Jamaica the summer of '99 for the first time since I was a toddler, which was about a few months to a year after my first cycle. I was there for 2 whole months, and for about 1 and a half of them I bled relentlessly. My aunts and female cousins were confused. They said maybe it was the change in climate and latitude. Who knew? I got back home and told my mom, and she couldn't figure it out. I can't remember all the details, but there were times when my cycle wouldn't come for months and then when it did come, would last for weeks. So off to the doctor we went. The pediatrician didn't know, and I was way to young for the gyno.

We somehow ended up at the endocrinologist where we finally got some answers. I was told I have polycystic ovaries, now known as PCOS. It basically means that my ovaries have many cysts on them that messes me up because of a serious hormone imbalance. Imagine the shock I felt at finding out I was indeed abnormal. Then tack on the fact that the doctors were saying I would have trouble having children and that there wasn't too much information about it because not that many women had it. Great.... I was mortified. The only solution to help with it? Birth control pills of course. Yup you got it. I've been on the pill for about 12-13 years. For the few times I tried to go without, it was a mess. My face immediately broke out and everything went out of whack. Going back on the pill was just as hard because it took months before everything calmed down again. This worked for awhile until the 24/25 year mark. Last year things changed and I can only attribute this to my body fighting the pill and preparing to have a baby, which I am not ready for at all.

I had to rethink and re-plan my entire routine. I was breaking out left and right with no relief. No routine or products seemed to work. I did so much research and there were many trials before I finally figured out what worked for me. While this is not set in stone, it is the foundation for what I do on a (mostly) daily basis. And I love the results I am getting! As I mentioned before, I am far from flawless, but I'm in a happy place now. Even more so that I know how to handle it. Next week I'll go over my face routine and how it's helped me.

Thanks for reading, as your reward: cute puppy picture.

- L

cute running puppies
Cute puppies? img src